


Try Harder, Asuka

by Thirteenie



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Everyone Is Alive, F/M, Sexual Frustration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 10:12:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16060973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thirteenie/pseuds/Thirteenie
Summary: Asuka has finally gotten what she's always wanted. But she can't enjoy herself.





	Try Harder, Asuka

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RelentlessCkie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RelentlessCkie/gifts).



Wasn't that what Asuka had longed for since falling for Kaji? To belong to him completely, to relish the sensation of his bare body rubbing against hers, to hear his moans of pleasure, to feel him inside her? 

Yes, that was it. 

And yet, now that this was actually happening, it just... didn't feel like a dream come true. 

_But if I try harder... Maybe I'm not trying hard enough,_ Asuka thought for what must have been the hundredth time in the last five weeks or so. 

At least Kaji's thrusts didn't hurt anymore. Not that they hurt too much in the beginning. But it was nice not to feel any pain at all. That way, Asuka should be able to focus on other sensations. Alas, none of them was particularly pleasurable or joyful. Try as she might, she couldn't convince herself that her sweating, fast heartbeats, and ragged breathing were signs of excitement. 

But what was that sensation in her cunt right when Kaji suddenly slowed down his thrusts? Could it be... No. It was gone already. What a shame. For one second, it almost felt good. It almost felt like it did when she was alone in her bed or shower and rubbed her own clit. If only Kaji would do it for her... 

Why did he never do it? He wasn't a boy. He was an adult—and therefore presumably experienced—man. Didn't he know what a man had to do to please his girl? 

_Of course he does. Don't be silly, Asuka. Don't blame him. There must be something wrong, but not with him. With you._

"What's wrong with you?!" had been the exact words Kaji had said the previous week, when she'd asked him not to wear a condom because she wanted to feel him coming inside her. She'd winced at the harshness in his tone, the anger in his face. But although he vehemently refused to do what she wanted, it had been worth it to raise the subject and elict that reaction in him. Just a few moments after berating her for that request, Kaji had apologized, looking and sounding friendly, nice, caring even. He treated her like he used to do before they'd fucked for the first time. 

_Makes me wonder if I shouldn't make him angry more often. If that's the price to pay to bring the old Kaji back from time to time..._

A series of short grunts that by now had become familiar to Asuka signed to her that Kaji was coming. Then she felt his hips relaxing, and finally he pulled out of her and got out of the bed, heading to the bathroom. Probably to discard the condom and avoid looking into her eyes. 

The previous week she'd also asked Kaji if they couldn't take a shower together after they were done, but that had just become another denied request, albeit with no anger involved. Only embarrassment and shame. That was all she'd been able to see in his face. 

She knew, based on that particular situation and on Kaji's overall attitude toward her, that he felt guilty over the things that had been going on between them lately. If only he'd give her a chance... If only he'd let her get emotionally closer to him, rather than just physically... Then, she'd give him a hug. Which would be a physical gesture, sure. But above all, that would be an affectionate way to tell him not to feel bad about anything. 

And if Kaji would agree to really listen to her, rather than limitting their conversations to professional matters or small talk, Asuka would tell him that her feelings for him hadn't changed, and that he was a great man, and that his guilt and shame were her fault only. Because she was convinced that her inability to enjoy herself—or to even pretend it—while in his arms put an unfair burden on his shoulders. If she could find a way to fix whatever was broken inside her, whatever hindered her from deriving pleasure from being fucked by the man she was so crazy for, then his bad feelings would dissipate. They would have to.

Turning her body to the side as she watched the closed bathroom's door, Asuka hugged herself. 

_You have to try harder, Asuka. You have to find a way to like it. If you do it, you'll make him happy. Isn't it what matters?_


End file.
